You really coming over, don't trick.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
