so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
