I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
