bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
