so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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