i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
