I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
