I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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