dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
