He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
