me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
