cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
