You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
