Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
