i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
