I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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