Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
