Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
