I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
