When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
