Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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