as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
