Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
