I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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