she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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