Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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