i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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