Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just pee around me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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