If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
