this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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