Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
