Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Found your dick twin last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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