I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
