but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
