I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
