I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
