I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
