So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
