how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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