that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
