so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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