i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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