So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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