You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
