my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
