I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
