so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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