Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
