just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
