remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
