I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
