Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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