Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
