Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The power of my boobs compel you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
