someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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